A Letter To Toy Manufacturers

Dear Lego, Spinmaster, Mattel and Playdoh.


Do your staff all have a sinister streak in the R&D department which means that your creations are hell for parents?

First of all Lego, why would you continue to manufacture something that causes no end of pain to innocent feet.

My most recent encounter whilst running to hide the empty wine bottle (I have two small children and a dog that shits on the floor of course I need wine) from my other half when I heard him coming up the drive was with a small chunk of Elsa’s Market which is now on sale yet I paid full price for the pain inflicted.

I have stood of various pieces of Lego in my time as a Mum however as a child I cannot remember doing or maybe it’s due to the weight to pressure ratio and it didn’t bother me back then otherwise I’m sure I’m have gained post traumatic stress syndrome and never considered buying it.


My recent purchase of the flying unicorn was a disaster, our ceilings are too high and the damn thing kept getting stuck causing the kids  stress and meant I had to push it down with a broom.

Unfortunately when I was having a rare two minutes having a wee alone the kids not finding the broom decided to launch soft toys at it to realise it from the ceiling and in so doing so dislodged several of the glass up lighters on the horrendous chandelier I hadn’t got around to updating yet.

Several dead flies and glass shattered across the floor, possibly the only thing more painful of lego.

Another downside to the unicorn was the fact that it didn’t have to be launched from a stem and so when my daughter had hold of it my son set it off and meant that instantly her hair was wound around the wing mechanism quicker than sniper fire and only whilst my son found it hilarious the ladies in the house were not amused for a good 20 minutes untangling the mythical creature.

I honestly thought for a moment the scissors and I were going to have to re-enact a Rapunzel and Flynn moment. If your daughter loves Unicorns then you can find plenty of products here that aren’t going to cause distress and bad school photos.


Your creation is amazing for about an hour and then turns into a wish wash of grey matter which is then traipsed through the house and ends up trodden into even the more obscure of places.

Yes I completely get your marketing of making cheap little tubs of child enjoyment as children can’t manage to even put there dirty clothes in the wash basket so no way are they going to manage to put a lid on a tub to keep it fresh after use, hence more being bought.


Don’t really understand the benefit in slime apart from the fact that it will magnetise every piece of dirt and hair off the floor and become a green hairy monster of which should carry a toxic warning of germs.

I didn’t had slime when we were kids the closest we got to slime was snot and that was something not to be played with and just sniffed up the nose or eaten.

My son would like a fire breathing dragon which I am glad that you don’t currently manufacture as I like my house and would prefer it not to be a charred mess however I would actually like you to not massively overprice a piece of plastic that already needs near £10 worth of batteries for the damn thing to operate and also as much as I am aware of your need for advertising your toys when bought they pretty much resemble the McDonalds I receive which seems very different to the pictures on the boards behind the tills.

* UPDATE – my boy got a fire breathing dragon for a ridiculous amount (possibly retailers fault on pricing) thank you for not causing actual fire however he liked it for a couple of hours and then has no interest as it makes noise and has a red light – woo hoo! Create a reasonable priced toy like the new Aibo version and maybe Mums won’t be so pissed that they are selling items on FB a month later to recoup Christmas and Birthday costs.

If you haven’t seen the latest Aibo from Sony you can see why there is so mush hype around it even though it has a very hefty price tag.


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